Turn On
by peroxidepest17
Summary: The things Zoro loves.


**Title: **Turn On  
**Universe:** One Piece  
**Theme/Topic: **Wooing  
**Rating:** PG-13**  
Character/Pairing/s:** lightly ZoSan, Nami, Robin (with quick appearances by the rest of the crew)  
**Warnings/Spoilers:** None I can imagine.  
**Word Count:** 842  
**Summary:** The things Zoro loves.  
**Dedication:** tsukishine's holiday gift fic request! **  
A/N:** Haha this was funnier in my head, I promise. I SWEAR.  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine, though I wish constantly.  
**Distribution:** Just lemme know.

* * *

The (now) familiar cry of "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SHITTY SWORDSMAN AND MMMPPPH!!!!" rang out across the deck of the ship as Nami attempted to get some inking done on her maps. Sighing to herself when she heard it, she set her quill down because if the pattern held, there would be way too many ferocious back and forth movements of the ship over the next few minutes to get anything done. 

"ARGH WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT!?" Sanji demanded, and yanked his lips away from where Zoro was trying to—for lack of any finesse—devour them. "THAT IS NOT HOW FIGHTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GO."

Zoro, eyes blazing, moved to punch him in the stomach.

Sanji dodged fluidly and aimed a kick to the swordman's head. "That's more like it!" the blond began, and spun into the follow through only to be yanked down by the collar of his jacket by two big fists and kissed again.

Nami felt the familiar stirrings of a headache and crossed her arms as she watched the courtship dance of two rare and amazing Idiot Birds in their natural environment.

Sanji struggled, melted, and then realized what the hell he was doing before shoving Zoro backwards again, jumping up and planting two feet in the swordsman's chest to propel him backwards.

The whole ship rocked.

Zoro staggered backwards, and somehow, looked even more turned on than he'd just been.

Sanji stared—breathless and panting—in disbelief.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" the chef demanded, flushed pink as he swiped at his mouth ferociously with the back of his hand.

Nami rubbed at her aching temples and turned to Robin, who was sunning herself lazily on the deck. "What the hell _is_ wrong with him?" the navigator muttered crossly, and tried not to lose her balance on the next attack-dodge-kiss-retreat-rock-the-boat cycle.

The archaeologist smiled mysteriously and flipped a page in the book she was reading with perfect poise. "What are some of the things you love, navigator-san?" she asked, seemingly out of nowhere.

Nami blinked at her.

Robin simply looked back at her sweetly, waiting for an answer.

"Um…maps…money…tangerines…" she paused, "and cute tops."

Robin's smile broadened. "So I see. Your top is very cute today." She paused from her reading momentarily. "And what are some of the things senchou-san loves?"

Nami blinked, and stumbled when the ship practically jumped from the whirlwind force of one of Sanji's kicks.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SHITTY SWORDSMAN! AND THEN I'LL MMMMPH!!!"

Robin patiently waited for Nami's response, like it was the world's quietest day. Which it might have very well been, considering the fact that Luffy was currently trying to solve the disappearing-nose conundrum as proposed to him by Usopp (i.e. why he couldn't see his own nose when both his eyes were open but he could see it when one eye was closed and one eye was open, considering that by all logical sense, he should be able to see better with both eyes open at the same time).

"Um… meat… dreams… meat… food? Pockets to put his food in."

Robin chuckled a bit. "Sounds about right."

The boat nearly tipped over then, and Nami would have gone overboard if a convenient hand hadn't popped up along the railing to tip her back onto her feet.

Unfazed, Robin continued. "And now that we know the things you love and senchou-san loves… what are some of the things swordsman-san loves?"

Nami stared. And then got it. She turned her head to look at the battling duo that was beginning to do more making out than actual battling with each renewed confrontation. "Zoro likes…blood and fighting… getting sweaty…strong stuff… and training."

Everything Sanji had to offer the big green-headed moron.

Robin's eyes sparkled as she read the realization on the navigator's face correctly. "I suppose it makes a strange sort of sense, ne?"

Nami watched Sanji kick Zoro in the ribs, Zoro punch Sanji in the stomach, Sanji knee Zoro in the chest, Zoro grab Sanji and stick his tongue down the blond's throat. Lather, rinse, repeat. The strange and stupid mating ritual of the Idiot Birds at full throttle.

Only Zoro would consider a kick to the head as a come on.

And only Sanji would think a tongue down the throat was nothing more than some sort of crazy new attack Zoro had come up with to try and weaken him in the knees when they fought.

She sighed. "They kind of deserve each other, don't they?"

Robin leisurely flipped to the next page in her book. "Sharp as ever, navigator-san."

From across the ship, Luffy stretched out his nose two feet in front of him and loudly exclaimed, "HAHN! NOW AH CAHN SHEE IT WIDTH BOTH EYESH!" to Usopp.

"LUFFY IS AMAZING!" Chopper marveled.

The boat rocked.

The two women shared a look.

Nami sighed and plopped down next to Robin in a vaguely resigned manner. "They would all be dead without the two of us. Absolutely dead."

**END**


End file.
